Archive
I am back from Japan and had the best time. I love speaking Japanese and I was complimented enough on my terrible Japanese that I now believe I have a decent accent! Honestly the best part of the trip was the language immersion. Oh, no, probably that was the second best because I loved visiting with my bff for my bday ♥️
There is more I should write about but on our last day I got new glasses for like USD$70 (eye exam included). We already miss the konbini life.
saw priscilla today (i was the only person in the theater). good but not great.
- honestly the movie is so wild and a big part of that wildness is that it is true
- typical sofia movie. she loves ingenues surrounded by excess and emptyness (i guess the guy from somewhere is not an ingenue, and i haven't seen anything she's directed since the bling ring) (i feel like this was marie antoinette pt. 2) (also i should watch lost in translation)
- jacob elordi is too tall
Much to write about in the theme of women-getting-older.
On my way to CO, the man next to me in line at the airport security screening asked if I was a student. I thought, like, what will happen to my self esteem when people stop asking me that.
(This part is not on theme, but I am including it sequentially. The person next to me on my flight to DEN complimented my timepiece. "I haven't seen anyone under 50 wear a Rolex. [...] Good taste.")
Then at the random party of Lys's friend's parents' friend-and-his-son's party, playing the guessing ages game. I guessed 20 (+1 of the real answer) and he guessed 22 (lol). Also, Gen Z does NOT know how to work a disposable camera.
This was not actually "much to write about." It was only two things!
i am realizing so many things about myself, as informed from my past and how those instances have shaped me. i feel like i have already done so much work on myself without even thinking about it, and now that i am thinking it is likei am at sea level looking up at this huge mountain and begruding the fact i was not given the tools to begin at basecamp.
somewhere in this i wanted to include *kylie jenner voice* but i thought maybe that is a little too glib
I have also neglected to mention on this blog (and, honestly, in my REAL LIFE JOURNAL too) that I am running SO well and SO fast right now. Doing 9 miles at a time at 9 min/mile overall. Which, to me, is kind of crazy. Like, seeing how far I have come from 5mph on the treadmill and having to take breaks every mile.
Unfortunately I think I am dealing with the continued pesky deep right glute external hip rotator that was plaging me a bit before. Now it's like piriformis/siatic nerve irritation. Annoying!
i said this when moonlight sunrise came out, but "ready to be" is really momo and tyuzu's era.
also sana is so much thinner this cb. i remember when i saw them last year i thought i was the same size as sana. now her arms are so much smaller. i thought it was just the mv (and she had gotten masseter botox), but it was there in their tonight show stage too. maybe mina looked thinner too but the other gals didn't seem drastically different.
oh, also, raquel x tom sandoval cheating scandal and sandoval/madix divorse breaking yesterday inspired me to start vanderpump rules season 10. i didn't plan on watching it (i didn't finish last season) but im enjoying it so much! so much has happened! and they're trying to include footage of what is happening now in this season also! what a treat, truly.
got the ick about normal fiction potentially being dictated by publishing houses and the market research they do, so i've been reading on ao3. reading an amazing top gun maverick fic (i don't even care about top gun) and thinking "is this made for me?" the writer used the word LEONINE. i loved that word in my teenage beginnings of romance stories phase.
Re: Holly Black and cucking
I guess this is kind of the source of jealousy and yearning that permiates her work. Curse Workers, Elfhame stuff (this train of though was specifically inspired by me currently reading The Stolen Heir), and even a bit in Book of Night (? If I remember it correctly)
Also, it's just kiss cucking, but the love interest does talk about his exes. And Jude did walk in on Cardan in bed with multiple partners (At the same time?)
Kinky!
Ok fine I really like the new lululemon groove pants update (except for the ultra high rise ugh) I really like the fabric despite how thin!!!! all the lululemon fabrics have been since 2015
I was telling my bf “the lululemon groove pants I just got are so different than the ones in my closet from 2009” and he said “I am sure you are different too”
Like awww but also like I’m the Patrick Bateman of lululemon groove pants with this post rn
Hi again!
I have not made a post in a while.
This week I have been sick. And now, even before finishing this post, I made some edits to my posting GUI such that I am actually able to see where the cursor is in the text box now. Yay :)
Except (oh, dang) I just had to go in and do something potentially dangerout with my local Postgres serverrrrr. But I did it because I am a genius, yadda yadda.
I had some sobering realizations about my, um, recreational activity of choice. (This is from my notes app.) But also I thought that this makes me normal! And that is why I understand TV better when I am high. Or, I thought, maybe that is when I am less self concious but even weirder. That still doesn't explain why I can tell when people are drunk or similar things when they're on TV.
I thought I had more to say but maybe that is because I should be writing in my journalllllll. Because the only thing left (I think) is to say "They should make thongs that look good on girls with flat asses."
I read "The Locked Tomb" series by Tasmyn Muir this week and I really enjoyed it! I think the second book is really a masterpiece. And I have a theory about teeth, somehow.
Last weekend Travis and I went to the bookstore, and I thought I would get a self-help book to fix some of my, uh, issues. But the problem is that the way a lot of them are written are absolutely awful. Like, self-help books ar ea scam and I am generally too smart to fall for scams. I think I need to start reading up on therapy techniques so I can therapize myself? Last week was also the SuperBowl and Rihanna performed and it was fine. Not great, just fine. I obviously wanted more, but I saw something on Reddit like her discography speaks for itself and she went out on a high with ANTI. So, I get it, but I do wish she performed Pon de Replay 😋
While I was dealing with a cold this week, my whole family got COVID. (To be precise, Liam got it last week.) Maddy and Zach, too!
Got a bunch of notes on tumblr (over 100!) about realizing it was "script kiddie" instead of what I thought, which was script KITTY. Catgirls of tumblr, unite.
Today, Travis picked up a package and it is my BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Investigatory brain ENGAGE.
We also have been watching Burn Notice, and that is so fun to be doing with Trav. Also, Billy recommended Tulsa King -- which I didn't have high hopes for originally -- but that is also weirdly really good, too.
I have a funny tumblr post about lululemon groove pants, but I will save that for a stand-alone post.
i did a tumblr poll (it has those now) about how tall i am based on vibes and here were the results:
- 1 vote for 5'3"
- 1 vote for 5'4"
- 3 votes for 5'6"
- 1 vote for 5'7"
and i like to think the answer is 5'8" :)
range was 5'3" to 5'11", and i was surprised that i got votes for the low end! i like to think i have innate tall person energy.
the concept of fathering children -- like, vitality and virility -- is so wild to think about in the modern world. but, like, it makes sense as a proxy for power and ... endurance? the sense of enduring time?
anyway, trav got his ps5 yesterday and has been playing god of war ragnarok (lack of umlauts nonwithstanding) and some of kratos's armor improves his vitality stats. he also already has one son.
in the past ~day or so ive seen articles about jeff bezos’s gf lauren sanchez on wsj mag and nymag like why aren’t they just trying to keep a low profile??? they’re paying for press to have people in ig comments be like “oh isn’t this the adulterers and she was in a relationship with his friend at the time”
hashtag wealth whispers but only so that i dont have to hear about them. like, i don’t know the first name for any of the sacklers and isn’t that better?
I don't think I have weird gender hangups. At the same time, I feel like I am a 14-year-old boy (maturity, also because I am reading Chainsaw Man) and simultaneously a gay man (idk, F1 and Real Housewives? My Hulu ads think I am a gay man). But maybe I am chained to my femininity because my beauty and competence make it easy. Path of least resistance. I had this thought in less-defined forms before (less defined than this? how!) so I guess it gets the privilege of being written down. But, not enough to be written in the JOURNAL.
I want to feel seen, and so that is why I fell into the social-microblog tumblr web. But, now I am realizing, I am also striving for privacy. I want to be a private person. So wanting to be seen and listened to and validated are all at odds with -- what I feel is a core characteristic of myself, which is -- my reluctance to be open, even semi-anonymously on the internet.
WHO is going to read this blog? What purpose does this serve? I wrote all this code and what I should have really been doing was WRITING IN MY JOURNAL.
SUGA SUGA I-- I NEED TO, LIKE, KEYSMASH HERE, TO DESCRIBE THE EFFECT THIS SONG HAS ON ME. IT RESONATES WITH SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE OF -- THIS SOUNDS HYPERBOLIC, BUT -- OF MY HEART.
PLEASE, I NEED SOMEONE TO HEAR THIS TRANSMISSION *voice of a final-girl-type character in the cockpit of a space station, or other mode of galactic travel, maybe intergalactic?*
> be me
> try to use the sveltekit interactive tutorial in firefox
> asks me to fiddle with browser and i guess when that doesn't work it is my adblockers that are at fault
> tries to use safari
> site tells me to use another, "modern" browser
> ???
> i guess i have chrome still installed?
> profit?
i appreciate the thought of sephora including “”“clinical/research results”““ on the product page, but the 3 sarcastic quotation marks are really necessary because i’ve seen them cite results like 100% felt some type of way after ONE (1) USE and btw n=23 for it
also i was thinking about spelling "necessary" because without spellcheck i write english like a pre-webster-ian
scooping daiquiri ice into a bowl in the kitchen, a weird moment when non-linear time stretches and coils through itself like rna packed in tight. me doing this exact thing, here and now, but also in bozeman, wearing puppy socks and a blanket, but right now i am wearing a robe that travis just got me for christmas, but i am also in shorts, a tank, dirty feet in the summer and d kitchen. post-kaneko pool and taking my ice cream up to my balcony to look at the sunset over North Salem.
I think I forgot to mention that I can only see through the fibers of time at this exact moment of alignment (Is there a more, um, celestial term I might use? You, shouldn't you, with your ASTROPHYSICS PHD, know something about that?)
because of we'd smoking :)
byeee
my spotify is full of dumb hipster shit from the past decade when today I am a binch who loves pop music
also i love the sound of jayb's voice. and, like, his vocal tone is a 90s-boy-band kind of sound.
was thinking about how you can get higher and drunker in the shower from like dilated blood vessels, or whatever, when i had the thought that the era of my life in which getting home from a task and then being encouraged to get ready and catch up, drinks-wise, to go out is an era that is probably soundly over :( boo!
things written down from the other night, going to hugo (& lily'?)'s to hang out and visit:
- trav was glad someone at the function complimented my jeans
- i love just being to walk into any convo and be like "i have a phd" (the girls last night were all in the same phd lab) and im immediately never going to be down a level, academically
- amazingly different (and positive) reaction from the girls last night when compared to someone non-academic in my life hears about how i had quit my postdoc and science and wasn't working. the girls were so excited and happy for me when i mentioned it!
i also put this on tumblr on saturday but the part in promiscuous (nelly furtado ft timbaland) where its like "i want you on my team / so does everybody else" like um shrug has lived in my brain for over half my life #brainwormz :/
all the things i am trying to do would be so much easier than what i am doing now if i just had the hypothetical server that i talk about building.
like, self-hosting my database for one (obviously). but also, if i had my own email server running it would be more simple to implement my mobile posting solution. and there are others, i am sure, but i would need to think about it more.
i mean ya i brought the raspb pi out of storage, however!! inb4 this xkcd:
Today I did the databasing on rina-public. And, it works! But it was annoying to do. And I don't want to do it again for regular rina 😠
But, lol, in the meantime I figured out how to do Incremental Static Regeneration, so I don't need to redeploy each time I make an update. Bonus!
Sigh, I'm blogging in my local Postgres because I am procrastinating the finishing-up-stuff on rina-public. Alas!
i can't wait to be 30 (not sarcasm)
nobody ever told me that the conventional attractive ages aren’t even the age that most women get beautiful at!!!!! dread in your heart turning 18 or 21 or turning 24 thinking it is only downhill from here but it’s not!!! at like 26 or 27 suddenly my brain developed and i stopped being insane and then i just became beautiful. nobody ever told me this would happen-- that everything i am insecure about would just change and now i live in my own body, and maybe i still feel alienated from it (re: sexy thing from the post i made the other day) but it is mine and my body wraps around the rest of me like a baby blanket worn soft and patched.
(writing this felt like i was taking adderall)
i think it is annoying to keep bringing up your college major when you are many years out of college, but who am i to talk? the
girlWOMAN whose identity is tied to an additional two degrees and a profession she chose to leave (and, meanwhile, all related to my undergrad major!)now i have no pithy shorthand to describe my whole personhood. "erstwhile astrophysicist," maybe, but that is so cringe.
Haven't even made a .md file for this post
Basically, I'm just dilly-dallying about doing the database hosting part. I could have everything up and running quickly if I just chose to abandon my idea of hosting it myself on Trav's RaspberryPi.
I guess I am blogging by just adding to the database. And my audience (lol) will just have to wait patiently for me to do that integration!
Re: Database Integration Blues
Why do I always doubt my abilities all the time, even on things where I think I am capable but am just not confident. Because, nevermind to my other post, I am literally so smart. I've been working with my PostgresSQL server on localhost in the rina-public Next.JS local development server and database-ing content makes the frontend part so much easier to work with.
Database Integration Blues
I know that I am smart enough or competent enough to be attempting things that someone with my raw software-dev skills might not even attempt. Database integration with this blog is one of those things. Like, how do I connect a PostgresSQL server to my next develpment on localhost? Do I need to integrate Supabase and Prisma to Vercel?
But where someone like a new grad SDE would have a manager to help with upskilling, I am trying to learn from documentation that was probably intended for those with a more well-equipt toolbox. It's like trying to learn from a journal article instead of from a textbook!
I got the second nosebleed of my life last night
The first one happened when I was in Claire's, and I feel like it was in the Factoria Mall. This one I think is because of the dry air. Funny that I didn't get any when I lived in Bozeman.
Anyway, I got some nasal saline spray from CVS. I'm just like Leems fr -- walking to CVS from Nanny's house. I love nasal spray now! I also think my dry nose contributed to the sore throat feeling that I was worried about as well. So that is good for my peace of mind, too.
I can't believe I hated Rhode Island for so long. I now feel a soft protectiveness for Rhode Island. I am nostalgic for Rhode Island. I want to cherish Rhode Island.
I wonder if these feelings are coming about because I see the mortality of my 90-year-old grandmother, who loves Rhode Island, with her roots in Rhode Island.
If Outdoor Voices was still good, then I would definitely take the train up from Rhode Island into Boston for a day trip while I am here. Well, actually, if OV were still good then I would go up to the store in SF that is actually (relatively) close to my place of residence.
(OV were? OV was? Reminder, I have a terminal degree)
Ok, but the chain of events to post this is so cool to me
I made a menu bar shortcut on my computer, that ran the shell script I wrote, to run the posting GUI I made with Python, that makes posts, and the posts go on my blog. And I wrote all the code for the blog itself, too. Like, I'm really proud of it.
So, the iPhone can natively run scripts over SSH...
I was poking around in the Shortcuts app this morning lazily in bed and discovered that the capacity for this already exists. Probably -- if I eventually get this blog hosted on either Travis's or my raspberry pi -- I can simply ("simply" lol) run this write-post.py whenever I want to blog. And there is the mobile solution that I was trying to dream up!
Link: How to buy a social network, with Tumblr CEO Matt Mullenweg
This was an amazing listen. (And, personally, one of the big takeaways is that Tumblr is going open source!)
How I Built This (unfortunately not ft. Guy Raz)
I guess it is a feature of each person's blog that they have a post in which that person details how the building blocks of their blog were put into place.
Feature I don't have:
- Readmore option on pages (eh, a trade off between long posts like these and the format I wanted)
- Separate types of posts
I wish I had a friend who gossips in the same way I do
Some of my friends fit the bill, but I need the same kind of cultural foundation on which to bond over gossip. Like, I am not incredulous about an influencer buying a $200 pair of jeans. (Maybe I am a bit for the same type of jean being bought over and over.) Need other Bellevue Girl-types in my life. Shouldn't the Bay Area be good for that?
On a related note, I highly recommend the podcast Normal Gossip. I'm obsessed!
